by Ess-Jee Rautenbach
Matthew Henry wrote: “The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.”
It seems like, in our generation, we have
everything mixed up. It seems that husbands are taking the roles of wives and
wives are taking on the role of husbands. Wherever you go, you see this
phenomenon. In many cases it seems that the wife misconstrues her calling to be
conformed to Christ -- she is called to be conformed to Jesus in
character, not in authority. In fact, the Bible tells her
specifically that she is not to be like Christ in the exercise of authority, but
to be like the Church who submits to Christ's authority (Eph 5:24).
Ephesians 5:22
Amplified Bible (AMP)
22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt
yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 24
King James Version (KJV)
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as
Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the
body.
24 As the church
is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their
husbands.
1 Peter 3:1-6 ESV
Likewise,
wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the
word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they
see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the
braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For
this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by
submitting to their own husbands,
A wife should submit to her husband, not
because women are inferior, but because that is how God designed the marital
relationship to function. Submission is not being a “doormat.”
"The reason we as wives submit to our husbands is that, in our obedience to
them, we are obeying Jesus. He knows men are prideful and He asked our
submission for the sake of peace within our marriages. He showed us by example
by submitting to us while He was on earth and He loved us even while He
suffered. Now He calls us, women, to follow in His footsteps of loving
submission. It is a high honor that He bestows exclusively upon women. Whereas
men are charged with leadership, we are privileged to follow Jesus as
peacekeepers through submission." Beth Durkee, award-winning Christian
author
Titus 2:1-15 ESV
But
as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be
sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in
steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not
slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train
the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled,
pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word
of God may not be reviled.
Like the book Titus explains. There are not many Godly mentors left in our
generation. Young men had to have mentors who could teach them how to train
their eyes, to love there wives and to stay pure before marriage. But this is
not happening because there are not many real godly men left. By Godly men, I
mean men who pursue a life with Christ: Men who live by the leading of the Holy
Spirit.
The
same goes for women. Most of us learn what we know from our parents and not much
of what we learn is really in line with God’s word. Don’t misunderstand me. I
know our parents did the best they knew how to do, but that is part of the
problem we have in this generation. For example, if a young woman grows up in a
home where there is not much respect shown for her dad by her mother, chances
are good that she will grow up to follow her mother’s example with her own
husband.
God designed marriage to work a certain way. He gave us a blue print on how
things are supposed to work. If we don’t follow that blue print, then we will
have a corrupt system and the fruits of our system will be perverted. Husbands
and wives have individual roles to play in marriage relationships, but evil
always tries to corrupt what God has designed. I think this again is a tactic of
the enemy to destroy homes and families world wide.
Colossians 3:18 ESV
Wives,
submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the
head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
Genesis 2:23 ESV
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my
flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ”
Genesis 2:18 ESV
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should
be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Proverbs 31:30 ESV
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the
Lord is to be praised.
1 Peter 3:5 ESV
For
this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by
submitting to their own husbands,
Specifically in South Africa, the resent divorce rates and stats show that
74% of people filing in court for divorce are women. Don’t get me wrong. I am
not saying that husbands are blameless when a marriage hits rocky ground. But my
focus of this article is the role of wives in marriage and how that role is
being misinterpreted.
Believers
are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). In
context, everything in Ephesians 5:19-33 is
a result of being filled with the Spirit. Spirit-filled believers are to be
worshipful (5:19), thankful (5:20), and submissive (5:21). Paul then follows his
line of thought on Spirit-filled living and applies it to husbands and wives in
verses 22-33. A wife should submit to her husband, not because women are
inferior, but because that is how God designed the marital relationship to
function. Submission is not a wife’s being a “doormat” for her husband. Rather,
with the help of the Holy Spirit, a wife submits to her husband, and a husband
sacrificially loves his wife.
For a wife to go against her husband's desires
and leave him, would require that she forsake her biblical responsibility to
submit to his authority. If a wife is fully expected to be disobedient to
her husband, her disobedience to him is in order that she be obedient to the
Lord.Case in point: Most standing wives are doing so against their husbands'
wishes.
Here is a short list of the role a wife has in her marriage:
- Woman was created by God for a purpose.
- A wife should follow her husband’s leadership
- A wife should care for her husband
- A wife must be careful what she says; love him
Read more: The Role of the Wife in a Christian Marriage
One point I think most men will agree on is that we need our wives to support us in the bedroom. That is an article on its own. But I know that women don’t understand how men work. There are many books explaining how men must satisfy their wives, etc. There are some great books out there, but our women need to understand how we work as well. We are simple and also complicated in our own unique way.
Christian wives must get
back to the fundamentals of who is Christ living in them, so that they can be
the best wives that God has made them to be. Like I mentioned earlier in this
article, God’s design for marriage is flawless. I believe one of the first steps
for us to get back on track is for each wife to strive to follow her husband’s
leadership, to care for him, to respect him in all manner of conversation and
live lives to help meet his needs. The marriage relationship on earth is a
living representation of Christ’s relationship to the church, His bride
(Ephesians 5:21-33). When a wife unselfishly loves and lives for her husband,
she glorifies Christ and teaches the world the true role of a Christian wife.
So what is the blue print
for the roles of husband and wife in marriage? It can be summed up in the
following scriptures:
Ephesians 5:25 ESV
Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Ephesians 5:22 ESV
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Plain and simple.
May God bring us back to His original design and may we be a generation
that turns things around.
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